what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
