He uses pillows to masturbate.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
