he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
