I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
