why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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