ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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