I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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