hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
