you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
