can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
