He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
