fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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