ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
