Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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