I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
