you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
no you cant smoke seaweed
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
