just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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