That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
