Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
