Buhtt sex?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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