I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
