Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize