At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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