remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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