Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
