Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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