my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
