they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
