On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
