I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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