If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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