i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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