Your tits are I can't wait for
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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