Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
