I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
