She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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