I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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