We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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