He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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