69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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