Will you blow on my dice?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
