3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Are my feet made of real feet?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
