I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
