Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
