Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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