my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize