New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
