My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
