Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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