areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
