Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
