I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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