So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize