i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
