Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
