Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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