You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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