So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
