Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
God, I missed his penis.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
