i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
