I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize