The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
