Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
