we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
