Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
