I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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