What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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