Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
