i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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